Friday, August 8, 2014


I was enjoying the view,the sun and the wind.I was also enjoying my company, Cynthia ,a very dear person to me.We were going to see a lighthouse , about two miles away from the shore. The only way to go there is by boat , the tiny silver of land connecting our destination with the mainland is under water most of the time . Frankly speaking , I was kind of happy that we have to go there by a boat ,as it was a pleasant journey indeed. Our captain, whose face is still hazy to me was definitely comfortable in his shoes, sailing the boat on a relatively calm sea . Cynthia was absolutely beaming out of sheer joy,she is the one whose idea this was !! Finally ,we reached our destination.

 It looked liked a piece of gold guarded by two big pieces of rock.One at each end of the land,in between there was this fine yellow dry sand.The lighthouse looked spectacular.So regal and proud, tallest of us all. The sun was already on the west and its rays were making everything look so surreal. I was thanking Cynthia silently for making me come here. As we were getting off the boat , captain announced that he will be back in two hours to pick us up. We settled ourselves in front of one of the rocks, facing the lighthouse. I had "10000 leagues under the sea" , thought it would be the perfect book for the occasion. The wind was fresh,warm and kind of saltine, felt great on my skin.

As I was settling down with my book , I looked at Cynthia and saw how happy she was. She suddenly drew my attention to a distant point, towards the bigger rock on our opposite, I looked at it and saw someone diving straight down to the sea. Actually , there were two of them. Cynthia smiled and said "aha !! the Boar brothers are here too, I see" . I couldn't come up with a sane explanation of diving in such a place without not fearing the possible fatal outcomes that are just waiting to happen.But they were young and brave and they were having fun. After a while, they stopped and started walking towards us. I got a chance to have a good look at them. They were tall, tanned , blonde and blue eyed with an innocent smile on their face. The twins looked like a beacon of life and youth to me. They were that kind of boys, that you would want you daughter to go out for prom with. They were strong and innocent, my instant analogy was an unicorn. They smiled and waved at us , we waved back .I settled on the yellow sand, saw little red crabs running from one hole to the next. The warm,dry sand felt very comforting. I do not remember how much time have passed, I was busy with Jules Verne. 

But something told me that something has changed. And that something was right. The west corner of the sky was pitch black and that black was fast in pace. There was no wind at all. Before I could even realize the whole scenario , everything was out of my control. The calm sea has changed, it was writhing in some kind of anger, the tides were getting bigger by the second. And within seconds there were waves high enough to cover the horizon from us. I was so surprised that it took a few moments before I realized that this is bad, really bad thing happening right now. 

I looked for Cynthia, she looked petrified , standing and looking at the waves like there is no tomorrow. I grabbed her hand and ran to the only place I thought could save us from this storm , the lighthouse. To my surprise Cynthia refused to move. Rather she slowly started to walk towards the waterline. She looked back at me and I saw that she was calm , not scared at all, she wanted out,she wanted to leave it all behind. But I just couldn't leave her there just like that. I took her hand and kind of forced her towards the lighthouse. She cried , she yelled and she wanted me to let her go. But I just couldn't let her commit suicide like that.So we were finally inside the lighthouse. The waves had two new friends, the fierce wind and dense rain. Even inside the lighthouse , I could feel the breakdown of every waves , slashing the shore, cutting through the golden sands.I was trying to lock the door. Cynthia looked numb, crying hysterically, still wanting to go out and end her life. As I finished locking the door, I heard the thump. Someone was hitting the door real hard. It suddenly dawned on me, the Boar brothers. They were on that strip with us too !But it was too late, I couldn't open the door, instead I covered my ears. The thumps on the door grew louder and louder until there was one big sound of a big wave breaking over the lighthouse. After that , there were only moans and groans and sounds of big waves, growing stronger . But I was sure that I have saved a soul against her will and did not even opened the door for those who has chosen life over and over , over death. I swear I have never felt more guilty than this moment. I was silently hoping that storm will be big enough to reap off the lighthouse , so that I don't have to live with this agony. I thought my wish was about to be fulfilled, I heard the glasses shatter into million pieces...all the moans and groans that felt distant , in a second , came real close to was deafening actually...  I was paralyzed with fear. Is this the end of me? 

And then I woke up.....and still can't forgive myself...a dream so real that is making me sad..still...I don't know if that were really a dream or a parallel reality. I am sorry. I couldn't be a bigger human than that.

photo by me: canon beach, OR

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